After the Beep
by Setsumi-san
Summary: Ever wonder what might be on the answering machines of the Shaman King characters? Well here's your chance to find out. See Horohoro become a minion of the Lima Bean King, the Hanagumi do prank phone calls, and boatloads more!
1. Funbari Onsen's machine: Yoh's Debt

~*After the Beep*~  
  
A fanfic by Setsumi-san  
  
  
  
Quotable Quotes: "Has G.I. Joe taken up ballet or is this something I don't want to know about?"-Dilbert, upon seeing that Dogbert got an elf for Christmas.   
  
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Setsumi-san: Now that Dilbert has enlightened us with his words of wisdom I present the most important part of the story: the disclaimer.  
  
Horohoro: Oooh! Me, me, me, me, me! I wanna do it!   
  
Setsumi-san: Sorry Horo-kun, but I was planning to let a character that doesn't show up in my fics too often shine for a change. Iron Maiden Jeanne is going to do it.   
  
Jeanne: (sitting beside Setsumi-san) Hello everyone.  
  
Horo: (pouts) This is punishment for me stealing your honey mustard, isn't it?  
  
Setsumi-san: SO IT WAS YOU WHO EMPTIED THE SACRED SUPPLY OF MY FAVORITE CONDIMENT!!! (attempts to chop him in half with her bloody axe)  
  
Horo: AHHHHHHHH!!! DON'T HURT ME!!! (runs like hell)  
  
Jeanne: *sigh* -_-' Setsumi-san does not own Shaman King and I am very thankful for that. Also, message number 4 is a Ranma 1/2 reference. She does not own Ranma 1/2 either.  
  
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/Funbari Onsen's Answering Machine/  
  
*Anna's voice* : Thank you for choosing to do business with Funbari Onsen. Unfortunatley, we can't answer the phone right now; so please leave a message after the beep. Also, you may want to consider taking advantage of our family friendly discount. Children ten and under stay free. Have a nice day.   
  
  
  
#BEEP#  
  
  
  
Message 1: Hi Anna-san, this is Pillica. Listen, I was wondering if you've seen my net. I can't find it anywhere and thought I might have left it over at your place. Oniichan is hiding somewhere again and I can't catch him without my fishing net. He will NOT escape my Special Death Training! Anyway, give me a call if you find it okay? Bye.  
  
#BEEP#   
  
Message 2: Mr. Asakura, this is your water company. Our records show that your latest payment has yet to be sent to us. It's six weeks late. We have been very patient with you and will give you one final chance to pay your bill before we cut off your water supply. If you have any questions please give us a call. Thank you and goodbye.   
  
#BEEP#  
  
Message 3: ANNA!! Um, er, I don't know if the water company has called yet; I mean it's not like they'd have any REASON to...but, um, IF they might have for some reason just let me do the talking. Whatever they said, I didn't do it. (long pause) AAAHHH!!! I SWEAR I PAID THE WATER BILL!! THE CHECK IS IN THE MAIL!! PLEASE DON'T GIVE ME EXTRA TRAINING!!!   
  
#BEEP#   
  
Message 4: Yeah, my name is Akane Tendo. I just wanted to see if you guarantee that your hot springs' water stays hot all the time. You see, I'm trying to surprise somebody I know by paying for a trip to your onsen for their birthday and he's...allergic to cold water. Anyway, it's not like I want to do it. He's such a jerk. Oooooooh Ranma, I hate you!!   
  
#BEEP#   
  
Message 5: Hello otouto. I'm using a public phone in the middle of a large city to remind you to get stronger and say hello to your very beautiful wife-to-be. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to burn these pathetic maggots and their steel monstrosities. SPIRIT OF FIRE! *sounds of roaring flames and Hao's evil laughter are heard*   
  
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Setsumi-san: Love it? Loathe it? Please review and I'll try my best to update ASAP. ^-^ 


	2. The Xlaws' answering machine: The Hanagu...

~*After the Beep*~   
  
A fanfic by Setsumi-san   
  
Quotable Quotes: "Lyserg Diethyl is still a tender child," -Iron Maiden Jeanne.  
  
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Horohoro: More Jeanne stuff? You're such a kiss-up.  
  
Setsumi-san: Listen Horohoro, I already put you in the hospital overnight for eating my honey mustard. Don't make me angry again.   
  
Horohoro: Still, she is one freaky little kid.   
  
Setsumi-san: I guess you're right. Jeanne-sama's cool, but sometimes she acts too big for her britches.   
  
Horo: Hee hee, yeah. She's says she's all for justice and crap, but that's just an excuse to get rid of Hao.   
  
Setsumi-san: *snickers* I agree. The Iron Maiden is...(pauses and looks freaked)  
  
Horo: What's with you, Setsumi-san? C'mon, we were having a lot of fun talking about that stupid, ugly gi-(turns around to see Jeanne-sama behind him) -rl?   
  
Jeanne:(glares)  
  
Horo: Um, heh-heh. Hi! ^^' Nice day, huh?  
  
Jeanne: Shamash!  
  
Horo:(gets attacked by the Iron Maiden's angel) WAAHH!! Ow! Ooh! Not the face!! No, no, please don't kick me in the-HELLO!   
  
Sestumi-san:*shudders* Here's an AUTHOR'S NOTE: The last message refers to the manga and not the anime. Read and review, onegai.  
  
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/The X-laws' answering machine/   
  
*Jeanne's voice* : Hello, seeker of God's word. You have reached the headquarters of the X-laws. I am afraid no one is available right now, so please leave a message after the beep. Remember, justice will be done.   
  
#BEEP#  
  
Message 1: (many sounds of muffled giggling from three female voices *coughhackTheHanagumichokegag*) *Macchi*: Hee hee...shut up, shut up you guys. Congratulations, Miss Maiden. You have won a brand new wardrobe in our...um...  
  
  
  
*Kanna*: ...crossword puzzle contest!   
  
*Macchi*: Yeah, crossword puzzle contest! All you have to do to claim your prize is stand outside the edge of Patch Village at one A.M. with your team clothed in nothing but thong bikini swimsuits and wait for Hao-sama! Pfft...ha ha ha!   
  
*Mari*: (whispers) No! Don't make it that! Mari doesn't want to see that Marco guy in a bikini!  
  
*Macchi*: No way! I'm not changing it!   
  
*Mari*: Yes you are! Another thing, don't say Hao-sama's name or they'll catch on!  
  
*Kanna*: Shut up! They might hear you!  
  
*Macchi*: No they wo-wait a minute! This thing is still ON?!?! Oh crap!  
  
#BEEP#  
  
Message 2: This is Faust calling to remind you people that you have yet to return my services for taking care of your leader when she was injured. Normally I would ask for cash or checks, but I'm feeling lenient today. I suggest that one of you donate a body part or two for my latest experiments. I'm in great need of a human spleen if you can spare one. I hope you can reach me back soon.  
  
#BEEP#   
  
Message 3: Miss Maiden, this is Ajax Torture Devices Incorparated calling to offer you our new fall merchandise catalog. Since you are on our Most Valued Customers list you are the among the first hundred people we are presenting this exciting proposition to! Our fall catalog features classic products such as the leaden whip and new ones like hand held tasers. Are you ready to feel pain? You will be with Ajax Torture Devices!   
  
#BEEP#   
  
Message 4: LYSERRRGGG!!! Please come back to me my darling Lyserg! You can't possibly be happy with those freaks! I miss you! *sob* As for you X-laws: How DARE you brainwash the love of my life! I, Bokuto no Ryu, will kill you all singlehandedly. YOU JUST WAIT!!!  
  
#BEEP#   
  
Message 5: How does this stupid phone work?! Grr, kisama! Oh, I was holding it upside down. (pause) ANYWAY, this is Tao Ren telling all of you that I will sue you bastards for humiliating me so much. I'm glad to be alive...BUT DID THE FRIGGIN' ANGEL HAVE TO KISS ME?!?! HOROHORO HAS BEEN TEASING ME ABOUT IT NONSTOP!! KISAMARA!!   
  
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Setsumi-san: I hoped you liked this chapter. Should I do more prank phone calls with the Hanagumi? I'm thinking about it.  
  
Macchi: Everybody loves us. ^__^   
  
Mari: They don't love you. You're too hyper.   
  
Macchi: What?! How dare you! Oversoul, Kirisaku Jack!! Trick or Treat!  
  
Setsumi-san: OW!! Macchi, your mochirei is supposed to hit Mari, not me!  
  
Mari: What do you mean, "supposed to hit Mari"? Oversoul, Chuck!! Crossfire!   
  
Setsumi-san:(gets shot by Chuck) Why me? T___T Review onegai. 


	3. Faust's answering machine: Horohoro's WH...

~*After the Beep*~   
  
A fanfic by Setsumi-san  
  
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Quotable Quotes: "Worry not, my brother. I will be as a fly on the wall, a grain of salt in the ocean; I will slip amongst them like a transparent.......thing," Jim Carrey, Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls.  
  
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Setsumi-san: Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls is one of the 2% of movie sequels that doesn't suck and the only sequel that surpasses the original. God, that movie's funny.   
  
Horohoro: I like that Ace Ventura guy. He cares about animals as much as me. I wonder what he'd think of the Korropokuru.   
  
Setsumi-san: You and him would make one crazy team. ^_^' Anyway, on with the chapter.   
  
  
  
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/Faust VIII's answering machine/   
  
Faust's voice: Guten tag, you have reached the medical office of Dr. Faust. Please leave a me a message after the beep unless you are a rabid fangirl. For the last time: I love Eliza,so stay away from me unless you want to be dissected.   
  
#BEEP#   
  
Message 1: Hello Faust, it's Tao Jun. I'm very concerned about Ren. He's been having horrible screaming fits lately accompanied by constant twitching. This has been going on since early September. I've tried questioning him about it but he literally won't talk! The closest thing he says resembling real speech is mumbling something about "horrible British stereotypes" and "evil Lenny clone." (screaming from Ren in the background) Oh no, there he goes again. Pyron, get the straitjacket! Please call me back as soon as possible.   
  
#BEEP#   
  
Message 2: Hey, this is Horohoro. Listen, I was just wondering...is it normal for my teeth to itch? I mean, I know that someone's arm or leg could...but their teeth? This has never happened to me before and I always brush after every meal. Let me know what the heck is wrong, okay?   
  
#BEEP#  
  
Message 3: IT'S US: THE FAUST FANGIRLS!!!! WE WILL NOT BE IGNORED!!!   
  
#BEEP#  
  
Message 4: [many feminine giggles in the background (Yup, the Hanagumi strike again.)] Macchi: Tee hee hee...This is Dr. I.C. Deadpeople calling to let you know that I have found a cure for the common cold.  
  
Mari: However, she's willing to sell the secret to you for fifty billion dollars.  
  
Kanna: Leave the money under the local park's huge oak tree in a red envelope. We've already left the formula in another one at the same tree.   
  
Macchi: And no cops! Um, I mean...I don't want the publicity. I'm really shy you know.  
  
All: Bye!  
  
#BEEP#   
  
Message 5: Hello Doctor, this is Holy Girl Iron Maiden Jeanne. Forgive me for not paying my bill sooner. I don't think anyone can spare a spleen at the moment. Would you take a tongue? I think my follower, Cebin, would be glad to give up his. He doesn't speak much anyway. Call me back soon.   
  
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Faust: Why did you give those girls my phone number?!  
  
Setsumi-san: Please don't be mad! They threatened me with pitchforks!   
  
Horhoro: Since Setsumi-san's being yelled at by Faust, I'll tell you all that message one wasn't intended to be against the Britsh. The author is just embarassed for the nation after seeing what the American dubbers did. Please review before she's experimented on. 


	4. The Tao's machine: Coffee!

~*After the Beep*~   
  
A fanfic by Setsumi-san  
  
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Quotable Quotes: Morty: Yoh, that Len kid wants to take you out!  
  
Yoh: Take me out where? -From Ep.3 of the American Shaman King dub  
  
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Setsumi-san: (falls over laughing) Bwahahahahaa! Do you guys know what that sounds like?!  
  
Ren:(growls) Dirty girl...  
  
Yoh:(is very confused) What'd I say? Where are you taking me, Ren?  
  
Ren:(sarcastically) We're going to a Bob Love concert, my treat.  
  
Yoh: *_* Reeeaaalllyyy? Ahhhh!! Sankyuu Ren!! (glomps him)  
  
Ren: (flushes slightly) Yoh...we're cheek to cheek...  
  
Setsumi-san: Read, review, and enjoy.   
  
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/The Tao family answering machine/  
  
Ren's voice: I don't know how you got my number, but you'd better hang up now if you want to live. If this is my Neesan, just leave a message after the...after the...HOW DOES THIS THING WORK?!?! I hate these stupid machines!! This is all my father's fault for keeping me away from modern technology for nearly my entire life! This thing is Satan's tool, do you hear me?!  
  
#BEEP#   
  
Message 1: HEEEYYY REN!!!!!!!! It's Horohoro calling you at 5:30 A.M!!! Why aren't you up yet?! Why aren't you?! Well? WellWellWellWellWellWellWellWellWellWellWellWell?!?!?!?! I've just had 22 cups of coffee and I feel GREAT!!! I could stay awake for the rest of my life!!! WAKE UUUPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WakeupWakeupWakeupWakeupWakeupWakeupWakeupWakeupWakeupWakeupWakeupWakeupWakeupWakeupWakeupWakeupWakeupWakeupWakeupWakeupWakeupWakeupWakeupWakeupWakeupWakeup!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
#BEEP#  
  
Message 2: Hello? Ren-kun? Jun-san? Is my oniichan over at your house? He got into the coffee this morning and ran outside before I could catch him. I don't know how much he drank, but it was enough to make him zip out of the house wearing our mother's bra and screaming something about "the Lima Bean King." If you see him don't be afraid. He's not crazy; he's just hallucinating from the caffiene. On second thought...you probably should be afraid. Lock your doors and windows. Hide all sugar and caffiene. Ohhh, I wish I had my net! Waaahhh!! My poor coffee influenced brother is nowhere to be seen!  
  
#BEEP#  
  
Message 3: Ren, this is Jun at the department store downtown. Listen, I heard what you recorded on the answering machine. Please don't go into a tantrum and break it. Please? Do it for my sake. Besides, you have to keep your blood pressure under control more. Anyway, I was just calling to ask if you wanted any clothes while I'm shopping. Call me later on my cell phone.  
  
#BEEP#   
  
  
  
Message 4: Jun-san, this is Faust calling to check on you and your brother. Let me remind you once again that DHS, Dubbers Hysteria Syndrome, is common among those like us who suffer from bad dubbing jobs overseas. Even I began suffering upon witnessing what the Americans did to us. Well, that one line Yoh-kun said about Ren's dub counterpart taking him out was a little amusing... Anyway, I recommend going over to the author's house and watching her subtitled DVDs. Seeing one's normal self onscreen provides instant relief. However, don't watch it when she's home. The author...well...she has problems that even I can't diagnose. Let me know how you are doing.  
  
#BEEP#  
  
Message 5: Ren, you jerk! This is Setsumi-san calling to tell you that you are NEVER welcome in my home AGAIN!! How dare you chop down the bathroom door with your kwan-dao! You could've let me call a locksmith when you got yourself trapped in there, but nooo.... It's because of YOU that I got blamed! I don't care if you ARE suffering from DHS. Don't ever come in my house unless you want me to write a Ren torture fic. I mean it!   
  
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Setsumi-san: There you have it minna! Adios until the next time.  
  
Yoh: (still glomping Ren) Bob Loooovvveee.... ^__^  
  
Ren: Why can't I get you off of me? 


	5. Hao's voice messages: Fear the Lima Bean...

~*After the Beep*~  
  
A fanfic by Setsumi-san   
  
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Quotable Quotes: "...You like me! You really like me!"-Sally Field  
  
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Setsumi-san: You like me! You really like me! (sniffles happily) I'm so happy because this story and my other one, "So Close, So Far", have the same amount of reviews. They're both in a fight to see which ends up being the second most popular one of my fics. [drags Lee Pyron from "So Close, So Far" and Faust (who is here by reviewer requests) and puts boxing gloves on each of them] Now all I need is for "Eye of the Tiger" to be playing in the background. =p   
  
Faust: (looks mildly annoyed and prepares some morphine in a needle for the author) Hold still for a moment.  
  
Pyron: -_-' Don't mind them. Simply read on.  
  
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HAO'S ANSWERING MACHINE: THE PROLOGUE  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++   
  
As Asakura Hao was walking in a crowded city on his way to another Shaman Fight he frowned at all of the ignorant humans. These mortals were such leeches on the beautiful Earth. The air reeked of pollution, his ears hurt from the traffic's noise, and people rushed everywhere like worker bees.  
  
"Disgusting," he murmured under his breath.   
  
He sat down on the sidewalk for a moment, closed his eyes, and tried to clear his mind. There was no sense in trying to get to one's destination when one was distracted by one's surroundings. He envisioned himself in a beautiful meadow at midnight looking up at the sky with stars as far as the eye could see. Yes, this was how he would make the world.  
  
Then he was brought back to reality by an obnoxious voice.  
  
"Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good."   
  
Hao opened his eyes to see a man yammering on into his cell phone and twitched in annoyance.   
  
"Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good," he repeated.  
  
Oh, THAT did it...  
  
"SPIRIT OF FIRE!" Hao called.   
  
With a mighty bellow of flames, the entire city was roasted then and there.   
  
"MUHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! Wait a minute...why isn't that phone burning?" he asked himself.  
  
It was true. The cell phone the human had been talking into was apparently fireproof. It was the only thing in that had survived the inferno. Curious as to how something humans used could be so strong, Hao picked it up.   
  
The rest is history...  
  
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/Hao's voice messages/  
  
Hao's voice: The soon to be Shaman King is not here right now, so say what you must after the tone. If you want to be a part of my harem, let me remind you that I only have two requirements: You are a powerful shaman and you have unconditional loyalty to only me. If this is Kyouyama Anna, I'm still holding the position of Shaman Queen/Number One Wife just for you. You know that you want me, dear. If this is Lyserg Diethyl, leave me alone. You're just going to have to accept the fact that I have VERY pleasurable dreams about burning your parents up EVERY night. *snicker* Did I tell you how your mother screamed? Ooooh, it gives me the shivers. MUHAHAHAHAA!   
  
#BEEP#  
  
Message 1: HAAAAAOOOO!!!!!!! You have dreams like that about my mother?! YOU SICK FREAK! Mark my words, Jeanne-sama will soon have the power to beat you! When she does she will pound you into the ground with a fingertip, scoop your eyeballs out with a spoon, break your neck in ten places, shove you in the iron maiden, let me shoot my pendulum right up your a$$, then finally cut off all of your hair and weave it into a victory belt! SEE WHAT KIND OF DREAMS YOU HAVE THEN!!!!!   
  
#BEEP#  
  
Message 2: HiHaoit'sHorohorotellingyouthatI'vejusthadlotsandlotsofcoffeeandwaswonderingifyou'dliketocomeoveranddoartsandcraftsbecauseit'sanicesunnydayoutsideandtheLimaBeanKingtoldmethathewantedmetomakeamemorialtoalloftheworld'svegetablesthathaveeverbeeneatenoutofmacaroniandglitterandstuffsoIneedtoborrowagluegunifyouhaveone. (takes a breath) Justrememberthatonlyyouandmecansavealloftheworld'svegetablesbecausenooneelsewillhelpmeandtheytrytotakeawaymycoffeeorsaythatlimabeansdon'thaveakingbutthey'rewrong! THE LIMA BEAN KING LIIIIVVVEEES!!!!! HE SPEAKS TO ONLY MEEEEE!!!!!!   
  
#BEEP#   
  
Message 3: Hao-sama?! Er, it's Nichrom. I'm sorry, I thought I had reached Marion Phauna's number. Does she...even own a phone? You see, I needed to talk to her because...because...well...I didn't really need to talk to her...I want to talk to her...she's a very nice person...and...Ihavetogobye!  
  
#BEEP#  
  
Message 4: Asakura Hao, if I could slap you over the phone I would. I do NOT want to be your "Number One Wife". This WILL stop. Everything: the lucrative phone calls, the harassment of Yoh-which only I am allowed to do-the pictures and the love letters stinking of your cologne will ALL stop if you don't want your own ex-shikigamis after you. Go back wherever you came from and stay there.   
  
#BEEP#  
  
Message 5: It's Horohoro again! THE LIMA BEAN KING KNOWS WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOING!!! (starts to sing) He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're a-wake! He knows if you've been bad or good so build him a royal palace! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! The Lima Bean King shall have his royal palace with his Coffee Bean Queen and they will rule the world with their army of corn people!!! Then, I shall capture Ren and make him the court jester! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!  
  
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Faust: "Corn People?"   
  
Setsumi-san: Give Horo-kun a break. He's been drinking coffee for days on end, remember?   
  
Faust: (nods) True, very true.   
  
Setsumi-san: As a parting note let me say that I don't own the lyrics/tune to "Santa Claus is Coming to Town", I mean no harm against/don't own the Verizon Wireless guy, and hoped you liked the Nichrom/Mari hints. Review, please. ^_^ 


	6. Horohoro & Pillica's machine: A sleeping...

         ~*After the Beep*~

         A fanfic by Setsumi-san

 Quotable Quotes: "If you add dots it will be Boro Boro!"-Yoh, on Horohoro's name.

Setsumi-san: A lot of people may not get that joke, so let me clear things up for you: Yoh's talking about kanji (Japanese writing characters) here, and the slightest change in a kanji can make it a different word. 

     Yoh: My name is always easy to write. ^_^

     Setsumi-san: Yeah, and always easy to make drug jokes about.

     Yoh :( blinks cluelessly) Huh? 

     Setsumi-san: ^^' Never mind…

/Pillica and Horohoro's Answering Machine/ 

     Pillica's voice: Hello, you have reached the Usui siblings. Currently, we are camping in the woods outside of Funbari Onsen. Please leave a message after the bee-ONIICHAN! DON'T TOUCH THE PORTABLE GENERATOR!!  

     Horohoro's voice: (muffled in the background) Why not?

     Pillica: One: You might electrocute yourself. Two: That generator is all that keeps this phone and answering machine running in our tent! 

     Horohoro: Well, can I at least have a snack?

     Pillica: **NO! **Now run 25 laps around the forest! 

     Horohoro: Waaahhh…Why me?

#BEEP# 

     Message 1: Horohoro…this is Ren calling you at 5:31 A.M.  A minute ago I was woken up _very_ rudely by a message you left me after you drank too much coffee. You're lucky I'm still sleepy because otherwise I would have decapitated you by now. I'm sorry; let me put that in words your simple mind can understand: ME CUT YOUR HEAD OFF. BAD PAIN COME. I saw The Godfather last night, Horohoro. If you _ever_ wake me up at that hour again you will find hundreds of dead, shriveled Fuki leaves in your bed the next morning! Kisama….

#BEEP#

     Message 2: Portable Generator?  Hmm…Generator…Terminator! How do you like that one, Pillica? This is Chocolove inviting you over tonight to come listen to my new routine. I've already invited everyone else over, but no one seems to be able to come except Tamao. It's too bad. Take Manta: When I asked him to come he said he had a bad case of Rigor Mortis. What the heck is Rigor Mortis anyway? Oh well, hope you can make it!

#BEEP#

     Message 3: Pillica, it's Anna calling you to tell you that you did leave your net over here. However, I need to borrow it for a while so I can catch Yoh. After I'm done with him, he'll make _sure_ to pay the water bill on time. Call me if you see him. 

#BEEP# 

     Message 4: *Kanna*: My name is Ranger Hana, and I understand that you and your sister have been camping out in the woods without a sleeping license. Keep in mind that you need more than a camping license to do whatever you want in the woods. To make up for this violation, you must either pay a five-hundred dollar fine or stay awake for as many hours as you have slept out there without a license.

                    *Mari*: You have twenty-four hours to start paying for your crime. Move it! 

                    *Kanna*: _Ack!_ Shut up, Mari, I was supposed to do this one by myself! 

                    *Mari*: You and Macchi never let Mari do her own calls! 

                    *Kanna*: That's because you talk in third person all the time and would blow our cover. Now be quiet! 

                    *Mari*: Chuck, shoot her! (gunshot sounds) 

                    *Kanna*: **OW! OwOwOwOwOwOwOwOw!!! **_Okay Mari! I'll let you do one later!!!_

#BEEP#

     Message 5: Pillica, it's Manta. Why is Horohoro running around in a cow suit spray painting everything pink and stealing everyone's coffee? He spray painted me _pink!_ I don't know if this stuff can come _out!_ GAAAHHH!!!

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Manta: (currently trying to scrub the pink paint off of himself with a sponge) "Rigor Mortis," Setsumi-san? -_-'

Setsumi-san: Let's just hope Chocolove doesn't know any Latin. 

Horohoro: (zooms by and spray paints the poor author) MUHAHAHAHAA!!! The Mad Pinker strikes again! 

Setsumi-san: AUUGGGHHH!! MY EYES! HELP ME! ONLY REVIEWS AND MEDICAL ATTENTION CAN HEAL MY EYES!!


	7. Tamao's machine: Manta's in love!

                        ~*After the Beep*~ 

                        A fanfic by Setsumi-san 

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          Quotable Quotes: "Are you implying that it's my fault you have no friends?"  

                                      "Oh _no!_ It's me who sits in front of the T.V. set burping with my hand thrust down my pants."-Al and Peg Bundy, Married With Children 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

          Setsumi-san: I understand a lot of you didn't get the Rigor Mortis joke from last chapter and want to know what it means. Well, it's a hidden joke and explaining it would ruin the whole thing. I will tell you that you can find it in the dictionary, though. Anyway, next is Tamao's answering machine. Enjoy! ^_^ 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

/Tamao's Answering Machine/ 

     Tamao's voice: *A-hem* You have reached the cell phone number of Tamamura Tamao.  I am sorry, but I can not speak to you at the moment. Please leave your message after the beeEEEK!! Ponchi, Konchi, how DARE you touch me there! 

#BEEP#  

     Message 1: Ugh…Tamao? It's Horohoro. I _really_ need your help. I…I think I'm in Texas. I just woke up with a pounding headache and my mouth tastes like a hundred lattés. I don't remember what I did last night.  Pleeeeeaaaaase heeeeeeeelp! No one else has answered their phooonnnee! Oh God…I think I might have _married_ someone! There's a marriage license crumpled up in my pocket from some Las Vegas drive-thru chapel! Heeeeellllllpppp! 

#BEEP# 

     Message 2: Tamao, this is Jun. Ano…Today is the servants' day off and I'm cooking for myself. I don't have much culinary experience, but I'm nearly sure that you're supposed to serve chicken soup as a hot dish. What I have before me is relatively towards room temperature. You're the cooking expert, so I thought of calling you for advice. Thank you, and please call me back. Oh, wait! Are you supposed to be able to slice soup or is that a bad sign? Goodbye again. 

#BEEP# 

     Message 3:  *A-hem* …Ano…*cough*   …Oh boy…Tamao, it's Manta. It's too bad that you're not able to answer your phone now because…because… 

                          Yoh's voice: (whispering in the background) Daijobu datte. You can say it! 

                          Manta: Right. (takes a deep breath) Anyway, I was just wondering if-whenever its convenient for you-you'd like to…to…  

                          Yoh: …go to the movies, Manta! 

                          Manta: …go to the movies, Manta! **Erk!** GAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T ASK HER OUT, YOH-KUN!!!!  I JUST CAN'T!!! 

                          Yoh: *sigh*  

#BEEP#  

     Message 4: *Mari*:  This is Dr. I.C. Deadpeople's head nurse calling with bad news. You're pregnant and you have three weeks to live. (pause) That's _stupid!_

                       *Macchi*:  It is _not!_ Keep reading! 

                       *Mari*: It is _so!_ She's pregnant _and_ she's dying? Stick with one or the other! 

                       *Macchi*: No! It's good because it's a double whammie. Now she'll panic twice as much. Keep reading from my script. 

                       *Mari*: Mari doesn't have to listen to you. _Mari's_ the one making the call. 

                       *Macchi*: Prank calling people was my idea! I write the scripts and you guys read them.  

                       *Mari*: Mari's still waiting to do her own prank call by herself! 

                       *Macchi*: Fine! You can just hang up and try again on your own ! 

                       #CLICK#

#BEEP# 

     Message 5: *Mari*:   …Is your refrigerator walking? 

                        *Macchi*: WAAAHHH!!!  (sound of Macchi falling over anime style) That's the oldest one in the book and you didn't even DO it right!! Gimme that phone or I'll tell Hao-sama on you!  

                        *Mari*: If you rat Mari out, then Mari will rat _you_ out about the ketchup incident! 

                        *Macchi*: *gasp* You wouldn't dare! Kirisaku Jack, _Trick or Treat!_

                         #CLICK# ***beeeeee…*  **

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

          Horohoro: Will Marion Phauna ever get to do her own prank call?!  Will Manta ever gather up his courage?! Will Setsumi-san ever stop carrying around that creepy axe that has blood stains as red as her own hair?! 

         Setsumi-san: Will Horohoro ever let the people review in peace? -_-' 


	8. Manta's machine: Mari's Lungpower

     ~*After the Beep*~ 

    A fanfic by Setsumi-san 

____________________________________________________________________________________

          Quotable quotes: "Just think! With the push of a button you could be a 500-story gastropod- a slug the size of the Chrysler Building!" –Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes 

____________________________________________________________________________________

     Mari: How repulsive. 

     Setsumi-san: Well, Calvin's only six years old. I probably would have loved the idea of being a giant slug when I was six too. 

     Mari: *rolls eyes*  

     Setsumi-san: Well, here are the **Author's Notes:** 1. Sorry for the long update. I just had to get another one-shot, Thinking of Him, out of the way. I researched my butt off before posting it here and was pleased by how well it turned out. ^-^   2. Manta has a bratty little sister named Mannoko in the manga, so hopefully message number four won't confuse you. 3. In response to a reviewer who was unfamiliar with who's who in the Hanagumi: Macchi is the carrot-top girl with an ultra cheerful personality, Kanna is the blue haired leader with a cigarette problem, and of course Mari is the quiet blonde who is easily gets bored to death. 

     Mari: Your notes are too long. Mari tsumanai. 

     Setsumi-san: I rest my case. Enjoy Manta's messages, everyone! 

____________________________________________________________________________________  

/Manta's Answering Machine/  

     Manta's voice:  Hello, this is the cell phone number of Oyamada Manta. I can't talk to you right now, so please leave me a voice message. If this is Anna-san than let me say please, please, **PLEASE** don't make me scrub the floors again!  Isn't 200 times enough? I did the best I could!  

#BEEP# 

     Message 1: Manta, it's Yoh. May I stay at your house for a couple of days? I forgot to pay the water bill again and I just know that Anna's on the warpath. I thought about running away and living in a cave because I would be protected by the wildlife, but _then _I remembered the time Anna scared a grizzly bear off just by glaring at it. Nobody else will give me shelter. Hiiidddeee meee!  

#BEEP# 

     Message 2:  Manta-kun, it's Faust. You _can_ come over alone for dinner at my home, you know. I wish you would reconsider saying yes to the invitation that I mailed. In order to pass a part of my therapy I have to see you by yourself again. When I can make it through a whole evening without having fantasies of dissecting you or anyone else I won't have to see the psychiatrist anymore. Trust me, I have _no_ surgical anesthesia or scalpels or…or chainsaws…Eeeheeheehee…. or ice chests stored away in my basement to preserve anything…Eeeheeheehee! BWAHAHAHAHAA!! Excuse me-AHAHAHA!!-I'm having a relapse! 

#BEEP# 

     Message 3: Ah, M-Manta-san? This is Tamao calling you back. I'm sorry I missed you; we seem to be playing phone tag. Anyway, I think you were trying to say something about a night at the movie theater with me. I…I would actually enjoy your company very much. It's been a long time since I saw a good film and I couldn't think of anyone nicer to see it with. So…I…isseven-thirtythisFridayokaybecauseifitisI'dlovetomeetyougoodbye! 

#BEEP# 

     Message 4: MANTA! It's your sister! I _know_ that you're going to let that weird ghost-loving friend of yours crash here for a long time and you are soooo dead once I tell Daddy on you! However, I _might_ be willing to keep quiet if you clean the poop out of my horses' stables for a month-by _hand!_ You've got one hour to think it over, mister. 

#BEEP# 

     Message 5: *Mari*: Are you interested in a new high-tech burglar alarm? This latest model is so realistic it sounds like a lady screaming in terror and is guaranteed to spook off any intruders! Still not convinced? Then we'll let you listen to this sixty second free sample of how well this system works: (takes a deep breath) 

** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA**

**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA**

**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA**

**UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU**

**UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU**

**UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU**

**GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG**

**GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG**

**HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH **

**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **

*pant, pant, cough*  See?  *huff, huff*  It works *pant* like a charm.  

____________________________________________________________________________________ 

     Macchi: @__@ Where'd you learn to scream like that, Mari? I thought you were the quiet one. 

     Mari: Mari is usually quiet because she saves her lungpower for when it's only necessary.  

     Setsumi-san: @_@ Just when my eyes were cured I become temporarily deaf.  Once again only reviews and medical attention can save me.     


	9. Ryu's machine: Wherefore art thou, Lyser...

     ~*After the Beep*~ 

     A fanfic by Setsumi-san 

____________________________________________________________________________________

     Quotable quotes: "Wa ha ha! Trogdor strikes again!"-Strong Bad, from the Strong Bad e-mail titled "dragon" 

____________________________________________________________________________________

     Setsumi-san: ^^' Gomen nasai. I went blank on any other quotes for this chapter's opening. 

     Ren: Your mind is always blank. 

     Setsumi-san:  _  What are you doing here? Where's Horohoro? 

     Ren: He's raiding his fridge. What else would he be doing? 

     Setsumi-san: Oh, yeah. **Author's notes: **1. I don't own Disney's Dumbo or anything of the sort. 2. I know that a lot of you want the Hanagumi's machine soon. I have a big surprise regarding them at the end of this fic. 3. To a reviewer who was curious as to when Pyron and Jun fell in love: There is never any specific time when they did, but I think it was along episode 23 or just a bit after that. In the manga there's a little mini-comic of Takei-san's with them looking at each other, blushing, and Tamao gushing about their romance. 

I hope you enjoy Ryu's messages, everyone! 

____________________________________________________________________________________

/Ryu's Answering Machine/  

     Ryu's voice:  Hellooo all of you pretty ladies (and my dear Lyserg)! Bokuto no Ryu can not answer his cell phone right now, but don't be sad. I will get right back to you as soon as I check my messages. All you have to do is leave a message after the tone with your name, number, and possibly Lyserg's whereabouts. Don't worry, Lyserg, I'm still waiting for you. I'm **always** gonna wait for you. I know that you're not **really** happy in the X-laws. *whimper* Oh God! WHYYYY?! COME BACK LYSERG-CHAAAN!!!!  

#BEEP#  

     Message 1: Alright you! I'm coming over there if you don't pick up the phone right now and give me back my hair gel! I thought Horohoro stole it, but for _once_ that baka is innocent. Naturally you are my next suspect with your inhuman cucumber-shaped hairstyle, so I am giving you until the count of ten to save yourself. One, two, three…TEN!  That does it, kisama! 

#BEEP# 

     Message 2: Oi Ryu, this is Chocolove. Everyone thinks it's best if you forget about that green-haired kid and show up to cook for everyone. Since Tamao's got a cold we have to eat the new recipes that Ren's sister is trying out. Now I don't know about anybody else, but **I** can't survive through another helping of pickled ravioli gumbo! Wait…I tickled the goalie named Dumbo! Heh heh, am I good or what?   

#BEEP# 

     Message 3: Ryu-san, it's Milly of the Lily Five. I'll be _way_ more than happy to help you rescue Lyserg-sama, but I don't think I have any helicopters or army tanks with me. I might be able to get some of those Killer South American Turkeys you wanted with Elly's help because we know a little about them. Don't ask how; it's still a really, really, really bad memory.  Brrr…I'll never eat another turkey again… 

#BEEP# 

     Message 4: Ryu, listen! If Ren comes over to your house demanding his hair gel back just remember that you have it! I should've thrown it through your hotel window into your room-uh-but not so I could frame you! Wait, I didn't steal his hair gel just to get revenge on him for breaking my snowboard!  Revenge?! What revenge?! (pause) Uh…this isn't Horohoro…alright? I'm actually Anna, okay? Okay. 

#BEEP#   

     Message 5:  Hi Ryu, this is Yoh calling from the emergency room. I really wanted to thank you for the nice get-well card and just called to let you know that my body cast should be off in a few months. Anna wasn't too mad at me about the late bill payment. She only used the regular lawn mower instead of the ride-on, so everything turned out okay.  Ja ne!  

____________________________________________________________________________________ 

     Setsumi-san: Love it? Hate it? Compliments and constructive criticism are appreciated. ^_^


	10. Chocolove's machine: Howler Monkeys atta...

     ~*After the Beep*~ 

     A fanfic by Setsumi-san 

____________________________________________________________________________________  

     Quotable quotes: "Cinderella Ren!" –Chocolove making a bad pun. 

____________________________________________________________________________________

     Setsumi-san: ^o^  That was probably Chocolove's most famous line in the whole series. What's not funny about Tao Ren in drag?  

     Ren: (holds his kwan-dao an inch away from Setsumi-san's neck) 

     Setsumi-san: Uh, absolutely nothing is funny about it. No sir.  

     Ren: Exactly. 

     Setsumi-san: I hope you enjoy the machine of our favorite pun master. Review, onegai. 

____________________________________________________________________________________

/Chocolove's Answering Machine/ 

     Chocolove's voice: Hey, the world's greatest comedian/Future Shaman King isn't here right now. I'm busy spreading the Wind of Laughter to everybody so you'll have to leave a message-Miss Hedge! Get it?  

#BEEP# 

     Message 1:  Miss Hedge…Miss Hedge...oh! Ohh! Bwahahahahaa!!  That's a _good_ one, Chocolove-san! This is Pillica calling you back to accept your invitation to come over and listen to your new material.  Umm, will this take very long? I, um, don't want to stay up too late because I stuck around too long having such a good time. (mutters under breath) I guess I can always read that pocket dictionary when it gets really bad. Anyway, I'll be there with bells on!  

#BEEP# 

     Message 2:  I, Asakura Hao, am calling you because I am in a very bad mood and felt like terrifying a random ally of my otouto. Now I heard that you were smart enough to figure out that Yoh and I were one in the same, so guess who the lucky victim is?  The Spirit of Fire hasn't eaten anything in days, poor thing, and wants to know if it should fry, grill, or bake a certain clown. I encouraged it to go with grilling because it's _much_ less painful for the food.  MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!  Ah, I'm happy again.  

#BEEP# 

     Message 3: Hello Chocolove, it's Ryu calling to say I'm feeling a little better about Lyserg and that Milly-chan and I didn't hurt anyone on the rescue mission. *sigh*  It was a failure anyway.   Anyway, Horohoro and I made a bet on whether or not you're wearing a skirt. He says it's something called a sarong, but it looks like a skirt to me. Call Horohoro and tell him he's wrong so I can get my fifteen bucks to spend on the latest calendar featuring…er, let's just say it's a re-e-e-eally pretty calendar.  Heh, heh, heh…oh baby…     

#BEEP#   

     Message 4: Chocolove, it's Ren calling to ask you just how the h*ll your DEAD jaguar can shed like this all over my clothes. Give-me-an-answer.   

#BEEP#  

     Message 5:  *Macchi*: Sir, we local animal control officers have just been informed of wild howler monkeys that are loose in your area! 

                         *Kanna*: Take the following precautions: 1.Do not go outside. 

                         *Mari*: 2. Lock all doors and windows.  

                         *Macchi*: 3. Do not bathe for as long as possible! As filthy as Howler Monkeys are they theirselves can't stand the stench of human beings. Being a dirty stinky slob is the only way to be safe! 

                          *Mari*: Don't worry; we'll get rid of these beasts for you.

                          *Kanna*:  …When we feel like it. 

____________________________________________________________________________________

     Setsumi-san: Review or the Hanagumi shall terrorize _your_ answering machine! 

     Kanna: No we won't. 

     Setsumi-san: Well yeah…not really. ^^'  However, I will be very sad without reviews. *pouts* 


	11. The Lily Five's machine: Gimme shelter!

     ~*After the Beep*~ 

     A fanfic by Setsumi-san 

____________________________________________________________________________________

     Quotable quotes: "I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track," –Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes 

____________________________________________________________________________________

     Horohoro: That kid has obviously not stopped to think about the aggravation that would cause.  I live in an anime where background music plays over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and-

     Setsumi-san: WE GET IT ALREADY! 

     Horo: (sticks out tongue) Boy are you touchy! 

     Setsumi-san: Here's an **author's note:** I understand that some of you have wanted Lyserg and/or Yoh's individual machines. I won't do them because rather than do Yoh's, Anna's, Lyserg's, Jeanne's, etc. messages; I put messages for the X-laws and the couple at Funbari Onsen grouped together. This way I kill two birds with one stone. Nevertheless, I digress. 

     Horo: Hee, hee. That rhymes. =p 

     Setsumi-san: ...  (looks suspiciously at Horo-kun, who has a dopey grin on his face) 

     Horo:  =) 

     Setsumi-san: Are you still recovering from all of that coffee? I can't tell.

     Horo: Nah, I just like spooking you out. 

     Setsumi-san: *sigh* Anyway, I digress. I hope you love the Lily Five's machine. 

____________________________________________________________________________________

/The Lily Five's Answering Machine/ 

     Sharona's voice: You should feel very lucky! You are one of the few who has managed to get through to some of the most powerful shamans on the planet: Us! 

     Milly:  We are the Lily 5! 

     Sharona: Grr… Don't call us that! 

     Milly: I _like_ the name. 

     Sharona: (irritated) Fine…we are the Lily 5.

     Lily:  Starring the brainy Lily!

     Sally: Featuring the tough Sally… 

     Elly: With Elly, the girl next door! 

     Milly: And finally, the ultra-cute Milly!  

     Sharona:  All of them are under the guidance of me, Sharona. Speaking of guidance, if someone answers this phone, please tell us where we can get a decent but cheap place to stay and a hot meal here in Patch Village. We wouldn't be flat broke if SOMEONE hadn't insisted on buying souvenirs at every stop we made. 

     Lilly: Why did you look at me just then? What?!  

     Elly: *sigh* Please help… 

#BEEP# 

     Message 1:  Silva's voice: Madam, we understand that you and a few other fine young women are looking for some high-quality lodging. Could we interest you in some small, cozy, quiet quarters that have recently been up for grabs? These rooms have gotten the Patch Seal of Approval in cleanliness; so you can sleep well at night knowing that you aren't in some filthy motel. Plus, we have an all you can eat buffet right across the hall! This offer is in high demand, so act quickly! Remember-only 350 Patch dollars a night! 

                         Nichrom: (in the background) Tell me, why would anyone pay that much just to sleep in the bathrooms of your diner? 

                         Silva: Shhh!  

                         Nichrom: (raises voice) He's going to rip you off! The bathrooms aren't even that clean! 

                         Silva: (annoyed) Why don't you go and swoon over that blonde girl who works for Hao again? 

                         Nichrom: What?! I…I don't swoon over anyone! 

                         Silva: Whatever you say…

                         Nichrom: I don't! (pause) Have you seen her around lately? 

                        (sound of Silva falling over anime style) 

#BEEP# 

     Message 2:  Milly, I appreciate your concern for me, but there is no need. I want to stay in the X-laws because Jeanne-sama is the most powerful being on Earth. With her help Hao will be annihilated and justice shall be done. However, if it is of any comfort to you, I would like to let you know that everyone is having a good time with these South American Turkeys you and Ryu left here. We're using them as effigies of Hao. We can pass the time by using them while pretending to torture him. It's very enjoyable. 

                           Jeanne's voice: Pardon me, Lyserg Diethyl, but it seems the effigies have revolted. 

                           Lyserg: Revolted? How, Jeanne-sama? 

                           Jeanne: Marco's turkey got fed up and seems to be leading the rest in an all-out attack against _him_ instead of the other way around. (loud gobbles and screams are heard in the background) 

                           Lyserg: Should we do something?  

                           Jeanne: No. I never have been one for animal cruelty. Let the turkeys wear themselves out. 

                           Lyserg: Ano…very well, Jeanne-sama, your word is law… 

#BEEP# 

     Message 3:  Excuse me; I am trying to contact a boy who calls himself Horohoro. My name is Princess Koriand'r, but most know me as Starfire. About a week ago, I met a hyperactive boy in Las Vegas who wanted me to take part in a special Earth ritual.  I did not know it was a wedding! Please call the Titans Tower with your information on Horohoro so that we may settle this. Ohh, what will Robin think?!  

#BEEP# 

     Message 4: *Pant, pant* Have I dialed 911?  *gag* Help me…I'm dying…from Jun's…horrible cooking!  *gurgle*  *plop*   

                        Chocolove's voice: Hey Horohoro, do we have anything to keep out howler monk-*gasp* REN! C'MERE! HOROHORO'S UNCONSCIOUS! (sound of Ren dashing in) 

                        Ren: What the-?! What am I supposed to do? 

                        Chocolove: I don't know; give him mouth-to-mouth or something! 

                        Ren: **NANI?!?!?!**  There is **NO WAY** I am letting my lips come in contact with his!! 

                        Chocolove: You've gotta do _something_!  

                        Ren: (pause) Do not say a _word_ of this to anyone, Chocolove… 

                        Chocolove: Sure, sure, just kneel down and give him first aid already! 

                        Ren: (grumbles) I'm only saving your life, you snowboarding baka.

                        Horohoro: **Buuuuurrrrrppppp!**

                        Ren: AUUGH!  You're not supposed to wake up _before_ I give you mouth-to-mouth! 

                        Horohoro: Oh God…I am _never_ eating anything your sister makes again.  

#BEEP# 

     Message 5: *Kanna*: This is _so_ stupid. 

                       *Macchi*: That's too bad; because it's _my_ idea! 

                       *Kanna*: Why _this_? 

                       *Macchi*: One: Because that's the girl's name. Two: I'm running out of ideas. 

                       *Kanna*: Okay, okay, but at least let me be the lead singer. After all, I'm the leader of this team. 

                       *Mari*: Mari doesn't want to play the drums! She doesn't even know how to play them. 

                       *Macchi*: Fine! Kanna can sing lead, I'll play the guitar, and Mari will stick with the drums. 

                       *Mari*: Mari just said she doesn't want to! 

                       *Kanna*:  I heard that Nichrom is crazy for drummer girls. 

                       *Mari*: (pause) …Okay…maybe this once...

                       *Kanna*: I can't believe I went from a devotee of Hao-sama to _this._  **One, two, three, go!**

                       *All*: (playing rock instruments) _Dun, dun! Dun, dun, dun! Dun, dun-nuh, dun, dun! Dun, dun, dun dun, dun! _** M-M-M-My Sharona!**

                        *Macchi*: Wait, wait, wait! Start over; Mari came in a few beats late. 

                        *Kanna*: I knew this was a stupid idea. It's not even a funny prank call…

____________________________________________________________________________________

     **Disclaimer: **I don't own Teen Titans or the song "My Sharona." 

     Horohoro: O.O  I married an alien princess when I was on caffeine high? 

     Setsumi-san: ^_^ Yep, and that was tame compared to the rest of the stuff you did. 

     Horohoro: At least none of the other stuff I did will come back to haunt me. 

    (Suddenly a tiny lima bean wearing a little crown bounces upon Horohoro's nose.) 

    Lima Bean King: Silence, you fool! Go forth and build me a mighty palace! 

    Horo & Set: o__0''' 

    Setsumi-san: Um, how about taking some reviews instead? 

    Lima Bean King: It's a deal!


	12. Silva & Karim's machine: The Oracle Bell...

     ~*After the Beep*~ 

     A fanfic by Setsumi-san

____________________________________________________________________________________  

     Quotable quotes:  **Anna:** I'm Anna the Itako: future wife to the Shaman King.

                                 **Horohoro:** **_What?!_** You're gonna be my wife?!- From USA Shonen Jump issue #18 

____________________________________________________________________________________

     Setsumi-san: That quote reminded me of the time I took an online quiz at Quizilla to figure out which Shaman King boy was my match and got Horohoro as the answer. 

     Horohoro: (chokes on the sandwich he was wolfing down) **WHAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT?!?!?!?!**

     Setsumi-san: Sheesh, don't blow a gasket! It was just a fan-made quiz. Besides, I actually got Silva on the first try. 

     Silva: **WHAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT?!?!?!?!?!?!**

     Setsumi-san: I _said_ cool it, Silva!!  I got you only once, Yoh three times, and Horo for the majority of the tries. 

     Yoh: (bolts up from his nap) **WHAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT?!?!?!?!?!**

      Setsumi-san: **_THAT DOES IT!!_** **_CUT THE OVERREACTIVE CRAP!!!_** *chops the wall up with her bloody axe*       

     All: o_0'''''  

     Setsumi-san: (pants for a minute) I have had a very, very, _very_ stressful week.  I can't keep up this good mood up anymore so you all had BETTER not mess with me. Yoh!

     Yoh: *gulp* Yes ma'am? 

     Setsumi-san: You have two seconds to fetch your attractive mochirei for my own personal glomping pleasures if you don't want Anna to find out about these extra-long daily naps. 

     Yoh: (takes off like a shot) 

     Setsumi-san: Horohoro! 

     Horo: Er, yes? 

     Setsumi-san: I'm giving you two seconds to find Starfire and divorce her before I send mobs of her angry brick-wielding fanboys after you. 

     Horo: O_O  Zerp! (does the same as Yoh) 

     Setsumi-san: Silva! 

     Silva: *whimper* 

     Setsumi-san: Get your butt into the chapter below and entertain my dear audience! 

     Silva: But-

     Setsumi-san: (raises axe) 

     Silva: Ahhahaha…very well! ^^' 

     ____________________________________________________________________________________

/Silva and Karim's Answering Machine/ 

     Silva's voice: Don't bother to call this number. Nobody lives here anymore.

     Karim's voice: The check is in the mail. Besides, it was his entire fault. 

     Silva: _My_ fault?! You never paid your half of the rent for one minute of your stay here or any of the places we leased out! 

     Karim: Shhh! Hurry up and help me finish packing our suitcases before the owner tracks us down! 

#BEEP# 

     Message 1: *sigh* As chief of the Patch tribe it is my duty to watch out for my people, but I shouldn't have to babysit them. You two aren't halfway dependable enough to be judges for the Shaman Fight.  Why should I let you decide who wins and loses if you can't even handle your finances responsibly? Anyone with half a brain knows to bounce a check rather than not pay it at all!  Ugh… 

#BEEP# 

     Message 2:  Silva, you're simply going to have to accept the fact that you _are_ my descendant. It hurts me so to know you deny that Asakura Hao's bloodlines are flowing through you like Holy Water into an X-law's drinking glass. You may as well put those genes to good use and learn the right way to do everything- my way.  Go on; rub your back against the bark of the family tree and use it to scratch away the humans making you itch. Goodbye for now.  

#BEEP# 

     Message 3: Horohoro's voice: (whines) Karim-san, the Oracle Bell won't wooooorrrrkkk! Heeeeellllllpppp meee!! 

                       Pillica's voice: (in the background) Oniichan, it's fine! 

                       Horo: No it's not; this thing is too complicated! He gave it to me, so only _he_ can fix it. 

                       Pillica: The Oracle Bell is easy to operate. Do you remember the rhyme I taught you? 

                       Horo: Umm…no. 

                       Pillica: It goes like this- 'If you push the left button twice 

                                                            the Main Menu pops up all nice.

                                                            Enter in the proper code

                                                            to set it in Unfiltered Mode. 

                                                            Press your thumb down very firmly

                                                            so the Bell can scan your i.d. 

                                                            Select option 7-x 

                                                            to free yourself from being vexed. 

                                                            Push all buttons in a pattern.

                                                            This is all you need to learn.'   

                       Horo: I only wanted to turn it on. 

                       Pillica: That _is_ how to turn it on. 

                       Horo: EHHH?!?!

#BEEP#  

     Message 4: Hi Silva, this is Yoh returning your call about needing a temporary place to stay.  I don't think they'll let you share my room here at the hospital unless you're really hurt. I'm sorry; I wish I could get out of bed and help you. Then again, it's great being able to lounge around. It doesn't really matter that I get sharp pangs that happen every time I try to move my body more than two inches because I don't have to train. Maybe I should let Anna maul me with yard equipment more often.

                        Anna's voice: That can be arranged. (loud buzzing noises) 

                        Yoh: AAAAAHHHHHH!!!! NOT THE WEED-EATER!!! 

                        Anna: Maybe _this_ will motivate you to be less lazy! 

#BEEP#

     Message 5: *Mari*: We know that you two are on the lam. Give yourselves up now without a fight and we will let you plea bargain. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say…Why are you two glaring at Mari like that? 

                        *Kanna*: It's a known fact that you do _very_ good prank calls, Marion.

                        *Macchi*: Yes. Perhaps you're a little _too _good. 

                        *Mari*: Don't mess around! Stick to the script! 

                        *Macchi*: Kanna and I are not in a joking mood, Marion Phauna. 

                        *Mari*: (a little nervous) Stop it…  

                        *Kanna*: We are supposed to be a team, but all the fans like you best no matter what we do together. I'm afraid we have no room for a glory hog…so Macchi and I need to make you pass on to another realm. _Ashcroft!_

                         *Macchi*: _Jack!_

                         *Mari*:  Mari's not going to meet her end here! _Chuck!_

                          (Much clamor can be heard for a few minutes when Mari suddenly lets out a high-pitched scream of pain.) 

                          *Mari*: Ungh…*pant, pant*…N-No…Mari won't have her ending here! 

                          *Kanna*: We're sorry Marion…but we must end the fanfic. 

                           *Mari*: Waaaahhhh!!! Now Mari will get bored again! 

____________________________________________________________________________________

     Setsumi-san: (is squeezing Amidamaru in a death grip) Mmm~   I'm in a good mood now.  ^_^  

     Amidamaru: T_T Yoh-dono… 

     Yoh: T_T  I'm sorry Amidamaru, but it was either this or face Anna. 

     Iron Maiden Jeanne: Was there not a surprise to be revealed at the end of this story? 

     Setsumi-san: (still squeezing) Mmm~ 

     Jeanne: A-**hem**! 

     Setsumi-san: Oh, pardon me. ^^'  Yes, there is a special treat for everyone: **I will post a sidestory to this fic this Monday.**  

     All: NAAANNNIII?!?!?! 

     Setsumi-san: Yep, I'm going to write a whole new fic centering on one of the mini plots in this one. Which will it be?! Will we see Horohoro on caffeine high, Yoh-kun running away from Anna's wrath, the Hanagumi making mischief, or Manta and Tamao falling hard for each other?  You'll just have to wait until May third! 

     All: (shudder with dread) 

     Setsumi-san: By the way, I'm not associated with/don't own Weed-Eaters and don't encourage bouncing of checks. Please review and consider checking out the sidestory coming soon! 

     **~*The End*~**                                                            

 


End file.
